Oh, and today's my anniversary and he's not here.
In the past, anniversaries have been fancy dresses and high heels. Dinners out. Gifts and hand holding. Time alone. They've been a high light in busy times. A chance to reconnect and celebrate. A rare night out.
Not this year.
This year he won't wake me up with a sleepy "Happy Anniversary" and a kiss on the forehead. He won't text me throughout the day to tell me that he loves me. He won't give me a card with an adorably sappy note scribbled inside.
Instead, he'll spend his day in cadpats with 40 other guys (and a few girls), doing push ups and trying to avoid being noticed by instructors (because that usually means getting yelled at....and more push ups).
And I'll be here. Wiping noses and kissing scraped knees. Wearing my ever present yoga pants and likely hiding in the closet so I can cry and eat chocolate.
I think this not-so-great anniversary is a good metaphor for marriage. It isn't always going to be a dozen roses, steak dinners and Hallmark cards.
Sometimes its realizing, after a phone call filled with awkward silences, that your lives don't have much in common these days. Heck, I've never met the friends he spends everyday with. I don't even know their first names (though I'm not convinced he does either).
Sometimes its spending the evening with a girlfriend who will take you out and commiserate.
Sometimes its crying into your pillow and wondering why the heck you ever thought this was a good idea.
Anniversaries won't always be a big, fancy occasion but we've still got things to celebrate.
Maybe its just celebrating the fact that you've survived a difficult year.
Maybe its spending time with the family that's stepped up to make a difficult time just that much easier.
Sometimes it's being 500 km apart and texting quick I love you's between the math lessons and ironing uniforms. At least we get that. Not everyone does.
So no, I don't get to celebrate in the traditional way. We are exchanging our love notes and gifts via Canada Post and text message instead of in person.
And I'm still celebrating.
I love the man I married. He is the coolest guy I know and he can rock a ring sling like no man can. He steals my jokes so that people will think he's funny and he is actually a pretty good dancer. He sings the "tooth brush" song because it makes the kids laugh and he cuddles with me until I fall asleep every night even though it hurts his back. He's given me four absolutely amazing children and he continues to be the kind of father they can look up too. Overall, he's pretty fantastic.